Regrouping or Lessons Learned from Failure

I just found out that my attempt at a senior thesis was not accepted. I will not be allowed to continue on in the program. I cannot decide if I am angry and disappointed or relieved. Any anger or disappointment would be at myself because I took on more than I thought I could handle. I guess I am not supposed to be an academician. I am a bit embarrassed as well.
I feel like I still need to prove myself that I can be a serious historian. Not sure how to do that.

At this juncture, all I can do is step back and regroup. At least I did not get an F in the class, but the C will pull down my GPA. I am incredibly anal about grades and my GPA. A C also counts toward my credit total since it is still considered a passing grade (so I guess there are some positives in this whole fiasco).

So how does one handle failure and disappointment as a nontrad? I am desperately trying to find some lessons to share from this. This is the best I can come up with on the spur of the moment:

1. Admit your weakness. It's okay to say, "I tried. Perhaps I did not try my best, but I tried."
2. Cry if you have to, but don't dwell in that disappointment. Talk to a trusted friend or a counselor about the situation and your feelings. Give yourself time to mourn the situation.
3. Understand that you will live to see another day and failure and disappointment do not mean your college career is over.
4. Ask yourself, "What have I learned from this experience?" Everything we experience is a chance to learn and grow.
5. Do not burn bridges. Look at the situation for what it is, then let it go and move on. Take responsibility for your part of the situation.
6. Do not allow anyone to make you feel worse than you already do. Give yourself grace to fail. We fool ourselves if we do not acknowledge our humanity.
7. Turn the situation into a positive. Was this the kick in the pants you have been needing?
8. Realize you are not unique. Everyone fails at one time. Thomas Edison failed many times before he found success with the light bulb. He did not see his failures as failures, but as experiments that did not work. One day, he finally got it right.
9. Ease up. Were you putting unrealistic expectations on yourself?
10. View this as a chance to redefine and refine your goals. Failure may not have been the method of choice to do this, but here it is - use it.

I am sure I could come up with several more lessons if I sat here all night. That's not going to happen. I am going to mourn the situation and move on. My school schedule has opened up (since I will not be in History 408) and I can take a Geology class that will count toward my minor and toward my upper level distribution requirement.

Lesson learned from failure? Never give up. Stay tuned . . .

Ahhhhh!

I am finally finished with school for the semester. Still waiting on History prof's decision about my senior thesis. Hoping that decision will come sometime today. There is a saying; "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" If I am unable to continue on in the history honors program, I will regroup and find direction elsewhere. I know it will not mean the end of my college career.

I am looking forward to some much needed down time - spent with my family and friends, getting my house and garage organized and just not doin' much o' nuthen!

When I walked to the bus stop yesterday, I discovered my Geography prof was also waiting there. We had a nice chat about my future plans. She is a great teacher - very enthusiastic about her subject. I told her that, too. I believe that if I have a prof/teacher who is good at their job, I need to tell them. I'm sure they get more than their share of complaints. It is as important for the students to encourage their profs as it is for the profs to encourage their students.

I started my new job for the Electrical Engineering Department. My boss said she, the department head and I will be meeting after the first of the year to give me some more direction on this project. In the meantime, I am researching other EECS websites, making notes, and formulating a new layout for the UT EECS website. I am taking advantage of this time to get my ideas organized so I can present them in a coherent manner and make a difference in the department. The researching skills I am learning in school are coming in handy for this project.

I hope to have some answers about my senior thesis soon. Stay tuned . . .

Winding It Down

Reading a few other blogs, about sharing this season, brain food, etc. I soon will have time to stop, breathe and read other blogs. Cool!

I have one last final tomorrow - Medieval History. This has been a challenging semester - some semesters are more challenging than others. This semester was challenging because I was on campus full time for the first time in almost 30 years. It was also a financial challenge because I quit my full time job, so our household budget took a bit of a hit. Still, it has proved to be a good thing. I start a part time job with the Electrical Engineering Dept. ASAP, but will still be hanging out here in the Computer Science Department. The new job is twice the pay, which is good. It will most likely work into something full time once I graduate. That's good, too.

I am reassessing the Master's Degree thing. May stay on campus and get a Master's in Adult Education. That's something I looked at a couple days ago. Not sure yet, but like my Mom told me recently, "You have your whole life ahead of you."

I am looking forward to the quietness between semesters. I am looking forward to spending time with my children. I am looking forward to finally getting around to cleaning out my garage (groan!). There's so much I need to get done that has been waiting for me. Time to start paying attention to stuff on the homefront.

My youngest son, who recently broke his ankle in two places (long story), likes to pick out a theme for Christmas. This year, he suggested a "Smooth Jazz" Christmas. Should be interesting. Not quite sure what he has in mind, but I'm sure we will soon find out! I am looking forward to his creativity.

What are your plans for the holidays? What are you going to do with your semester break? I hope you take this time to recharge, refresh and renew. Stay tuned . . .

Wrapping It Up

As I write this post, fire trucks are screaming through campus. Most likely a bomb threat pulled by someone who does not want to take their final exams because they chose to party instead of studying. That always happens, unfortunately. Speaking of final exams, I had my second final today. Two down, one to go (on Wednesday). I've made it this far.

I have to talk to my history mentor tomorrow. Not sure how that will go - all I can do is take him what I have (for my senior thesis) and see if that dog'll hunt. (Sorry - gotta have an East Tennessee sense of humor.) I have always told my children that when they go through a difficult situation, they need to stop and ask, "What am I learning from this?" So, what have I learned from this? The most important thing I have learned is to ask questions, get clarification, speak up if things aren't going like you think they should be going. I was frustrated and exasperated with the lack of progression on my senior thesis. I thought I was doing what I should have been doing. I am still in the process of analyzing this whole situation.

I guess the lesson I need to learn out of this is not to depend on other people, even when I am not sure what is going on. My educational experience is just that - MY educational experience. I am the one who needs to make it happen.

Mmmm - nice lunch of crow and humble pie! Chalk it up to "experience" and move on. Stay tuned . . .

Salvaging the Senior Thesis

I blew it. I will let you know if indeed I can salvage the thesis and stay in the program. Quite a humbling experience, to say the least. Stay tuned . . .